The Opposite of Fear is Love
Dan Cristian Pădureț via Unsplash
The opposite of fear is love.
Love of self. Love of others. Love of life.
About four months ago - leading up to my 30th birthday - I was writing every single morning.
I’d begun to share a few personal blog posts, including this one, synthesizing 30 of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my first 30 years, and I was starting to feel a number of the benefits that often come with a consistent writing practice:
My thoughts felt more clear and more fleshed out.
I felt more curious.
I felt more focused.
I was having fun!
I was actually sharing some of what I wrote, and was connecting with new and old friends who reached out to say that some of what I wrote was helpful, entertaining, or relatable to them.
And I haven’t shared a single personal blog post since then.
But I have all sorts of excuses!
My favourite, at the moment, is that I’ve been writing for my business and therefore couldn’t possibly find a few hours here and there to reflect on and share what’s important/interesting to me.
I know that’s BS.
The only thing that has been stopping me is fear. And I hate that. I hate to have to admit that I’ve been scared.
Scared of what people will think of what I write.
That I’ll look back on what I wrote and be embarrassed by it.
But I’ve been here before. Many times.
Most notably, this is exactly how I felt when I first started making videos and sharing them online in 2015. I would stay up all night, buzzing with ideas and excitement about a video I wanted to make, and then I’d wake up afraid of what might go wrong and just give up.
Eventually, I pushed past that fear, and it was the best (and most terrifying) decision I’ve ever made.
On the other side of that fear, I’ve found a fulfilling career as a creative entrepreneur that has allowed me to travel around the world, helped introduce me to some my the closest friends, and provided the foundation on which I’ve begun to build the kind self-confidence and self-love required to actually be a happy person in this crazy, scary, beautiful world.
just a photo to prove that I do, in fact, have friends!
So right now, I’m asking myself two questions:
1) Why should I be scared of what people will think of what I write?
True, some people won’t like it. Some people will think it sucks. And that’s okay. It’s not for everyone. It shouldn’t be. It can’t be.
I also know from past experiences that some people probably will like it. Some people will find it helpful, or interesting, or relatable. And that’s an incredible feeling. Even if they don’t, at least I’ll be one step closer to making something that others, and that I, will like.
2) Why am I scared to feel embarrassed when future me looks back on my writing?
When I do look back on it in a couple years, I probably will feel a bit embarrassed, but that will only be because I will have improved. Because I’ll have done the work it takes to get better.
I often cringe when I look back at my old videos, but if I had never made those, I would never have had the space to learn, make mistakes, iterate, and eventually make the things I’m proud to make today. If I stay scared. If I don’t create anything. If I never try. I’ll only be preserving my ego at the cost of genuine creativity, curiosity, and connection. And that would be embarrassing. That is terrifying.
Side Note: I get a real kick out of Rap Superstar, Jack Harlow’s old videos on YouTube. They’re ridiculous and he probably cringes when he sees these, but now he’s made songs and music videos with Drake, Lil Wayne, and Justin Timberlake.
I’m still a bit scared, but I’m working actively to re-frame that fear.
I know - I wrote about it in my last blog post - that with the right habits and mindset, I am capable of conquering (and even enjoying) my fears because I know that what’s on the other side of that fear is love.
Love of self. Love of others. Love of life.
My greatest fear is that I’ll look back on my life someday and realize that I let fear stop me from doing the things I know I wanted to do. From living the way I wanted to.
As an exercise in combatting that fear, I’m committing to sharing at least one post on here every two weeks for the foreseeable future - and there are a few things I could really use your help with:
1) If you’d like to follow along, I'd encourage you to scroll to the bottom of the page and sign up for my newsletter so you can see each new post.
2) If you have have any questions/prompts for what you’d like to see me write about, that would be amazing! A few of the broader topics I’m thinking/writing about these days are:
personal development
creative entrepreneurship
leadership, coaching, & human potential
health & mental health
benefits vs detriments of technology & social media
You can email me at dave@threesixfive.ca if you have any ideas or questions.
Thanks so much!
Dave