“Can You Handle This?”: I Nearly Broke Down

Image by Vojtech Bruzek - via Unsplash

A number of weeks ago, I came pretty damn close to blowing up (or breaking down) entirely in the middle of a workday.

I was getting hit by a perfect storm of stress.

• My life is currently split between Toronto and Halifax and, while in Halifax, I’ve been living out of a suitcase and my usual routines, rituals, and healthy habits have degraded into nonexistence (working on this).

• Business was (is) ramping up fast at threesixfive (a good thing for which I am grateful) and it seemed like I couldn’t find 15 straight minutes that were not interrupted by several other emergencies - none of which could be dealt with properly without more time.

• My business partner, Gavin, who is instrumental in our day-to-day operations, was away on a much-needed and well-deserved vacation.

• I’d agreed to write and present multiple 45-minute talks at local Jr High Schools and was trying to finish and practice a 60-slide powerpoint about mental health (the irony, that mine was near collapsing as I prepared this talk, is not lost on me).

Speaking to a gym full of kids at my old Jr. High School in Nova Scotia. This was really fun!

• We were hosting an event at our new studio that night (for the first time), and I knew I had to be there, and that I’d have to be on until 9pm, having arrived at the office at 7am.

• I went for what was supposed to be a quick lunch break with some friends and ended up waiting 90 minutes for my food after skipping breakfast. I sat at my table trying not to explode. I was literally shaking from the combination of stress and lack of sleep/food.

After cramming my fried, cheese stuffed lunch in me (they’d run out of the healthy option I’d ordered) I realized I had a therapy appointment booked right in the middle of the day.

While aware that these moments are often when we need therapy most, I strongly considered cancelling the appointment because I felt like I really needed that hour for work. Instead, I decided that I’d jump on the call (still doing virtual therapy) and just see how it went, with the understanding that I could easily leave early if it didn’t feel helpful.

I joined the call and explained the situation. I expressed that I did know, in my head, that everything would probably be just fine, but that I felt extremely overwhelmed and couldn’t seem to find a way to gain any ground. We talked (I talked, mostly, as it goes), she guided me through some breaths, and at about 45 minutes into our hour-long session, I’d (we’d) managed to calm my nervous system a great deal. At that point I think we both knew it was time for me to get back to work.

Before ending our call, I asked if she had any final thoughts or questions to leave me with. About a half second later, she smirked and said “I’ve got an idea. Let’s pretend you’re me and I’m Dave. Do you have any questions for me?”

I said ”nice,” admiring her cleverness.

After a quick think, I asked her (asked myself), “can you handle this?”

She paused, then said confidently and matter-of-factly, “yes.”

I knew she was right, I agreed, and I headed back into my day.

Having what felt like 8x too much work on my plate, and very little remaining bandwidth, I called our team into our boardroom and told them, honestly, that I was feeling absolutely overwhelmed, that I was on the brink of breaking down, and that I needed to go through my list and have them take as many of these tasks off of my plate as they possibly could. No one batted an eye. It’s a bit of a blur now, but I remember hearing the exact responses you’d want to hear in a situation like this:

”No problem.”

”We got you.”

”Don’t worry, we’ve got it.”

Okay. Great. Thank you.

Then I told them I needed to sneak out of the office for a quick run to try to get my head on straight while they handled the event setup.

I felt a deep sense of gratitude for our team and their level of dedication and commitment to what we’re doing at threesixfive. And while I’m hesitant to try to take credit for their hard work, I have to say I felt quite proud of the team, the company, and culture we’ve built.

I also did feel proud of how I responded to the situation. Faced with a barrage of high-stakes challenges and time-sensitive/energy-intensive projects, I was able to breathe, to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and remain calm enough to identify the necessary steps to get back in control.

Obviously I would prefer to not let things get that out of control in the first place, but that’s not always how life works, is it?

That’s also not that path I’ve chosen. I’ve made the decision to pursue entrepreneurship, to lead and build, and that means I’m going to be challenged and tested.

I definitely want to avoid this level of stress as much as possible, but next time it feels like everything is going to shit, and I’m totally overwhelmed, I’ll just ask myself:

“Can you handle this?”

I think I can.